| hmm |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|11:30 pm] |
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when do you know a relationship is dead and when do you actually go through and say "we need to stop this?" am i suppose to ask for a break before i actually end it? or do i wait until he ends it? he's still waiting for my call. my priorities are messed up or does he just not understand because we are on completly different areas in our life. hmmm..what do i do the phone is ringing. fuck me but i suck. |
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| it's a good thing i am going away soon |
[May. 6th, 2006|09:17 am] |
he lived up to my expectations, and yet i was totally blindsided. So with a "true, have fun then" to his "how do you know" comment. I sent him on his way to go have sex with his "I will" sealing the deal. however, i had the last word with my " condom sense." however, it doesnt really help or mean anything when it comes down to it because i am still sad that i can now put him in the fulfilled expectations category of guys.
why is it that those guys who probably wouldnt disappoint me and make me sad, i run away from but those i know will probably do that, but somehow i feel like i can trust, i continue being friends with. |
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| i dont know if i deserve this.... |
[Apr. 8th, 2006|10:58 pm] |
"Fuck your power trip andFuck your attitude andFuck your bloated ego tooFuck your history, your tragedy, your miseryBut most of all...motherfucker fuck you!"
brought to you by the same guy who said i had a heart of stone. who did he qoute this from again? |
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| boo |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|06:46 pm] |
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due to my continues crying my mother and brother came up to visit me. however it just made my homesickness and tolerence for everyone drop. ugh, i hate it here. people are so freaking annoying. wtf is wrong with people (possibly me). |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|12:54 am] |
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i am officially Life's number one source of exercising comedic relief. how is it that mr. perfect, just happens to start to hang out with the old hook up? and that through me telling T to keep is fucking mouth shut, the phone gets handed to the mr. p's.....GIRLFRIEND. who than says "why do you keep calling my boyfriend" to which i reply, "I didnt know that, can you hand the phone back to tyler?" like wtf? i am in no position to say my usual flippant "well, if you were good in the sack, he wouldnt be hooking up with me" b/c i am so confused and just pissed. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY "I WILL NOT BE THE SILLY HOE THIS YEAR" so i now i guess i am just going to focus on the fact that, i guess i am going to be keeping mr. p's "Igby goes down" DVD. sadly it just reminds me of "Catcher and the Rye" which i didnt really enjoy. god, i am pissed. i will not call him, i will not do anything! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2005|01:44 pm] |
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i really shouldnt care, but this guy really was fucking perfect for me. he had traits of my brother and best friend, and completly different from either of them. i will not obsess over the fact that i someone killed the date. i will just hope he calls me back and wants his dvd enough that i can somehow impress him and have him fall in love with me. i tell you it's all the fucking black cat's fault |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|10:12 pm] |
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i love you all, and i know you want the best for me. dont worry, i am taking everything in and takin git all into consideration and i think i know what i am going to do. dont worry, i can still smile and be the quirky girl. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2005|06:40 am] |
when on earth have i not slept in my bed after a night of drinking? no matter what, i usually come stumbling back to the room at some point. I think there was one occasion when i didnt. tonight i got three phone calls from my roommate, and zarina, naturally i ignore them due to my alcohol cusumption. i freaking get back to my room and there is a message on the door saying
"Kareina- didnt know if you were sleeping here tonight. just wanted to let you know, Julie is SLEEPING in here tonight.Arielle"
as in, she's in your fucking bed dont wake her up you drunken whore.
wtf? julie's fucking room is just one floor up, why the hell is she in my bed? the bed that i would so desperatly like to sleep in, not to mention i washed and changed the sheets today. dang it, the floor is hard, it's cold because someone is a shit head and sleeps in front of the heaters therefor called fixed and had the vents closed.
i lost 10 bucks at poker, you're right dave, i suck at it and shouldnt have played. i am super sick, i am going to go throw up. I HATE BEER. NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN!! |
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| i am fine being smarter then others, however they need to realize that. |
[Feb. 15th, 2005|06:01 pm] |
College has just made me more assure that the future is screwed. In my English class I got into the most ridiculous debate. They tried to tell me that the black market in organs was rampant, so much so that it was like the drug cartel. Therefore the government needs to dish out more money to buy organs. I am sorry, I had no idea that you could pop out someone’s organ and just pop it into another person. For some reason I thought you needed at least a person, ice, sharp objects, and big ass burial place for when your sorry ass messes up and the person dies. Even if you get it out, one must advertise the fact that you have an organ for donation, I think people are going to wonder if you walk in to a hospital with a fucking kidney. This is of course if the cops don’t find a body without a freaking kidney. I am not saying it doesn’t exist, that there aren’t people out there who do this for the money. However I just don’t think I can go into a back ally and ask for a liver.
Then their argument was “well if the government regulated this, it would take care of that .000001% that this happens” and I am like you need to know what you’re talking about. Anything regulated will always have a black-market open for it, its simple economics. As you already pointed out people are so desperate they are supposedly flying to Africa to get these supposed easy to find organs. (my counter question was, how the hell are they surviving the stress of flying cross continent, not to mention insuring that the organs being supplies are not ravaged by the AID epidemic that is happening?). it was depressing I couldn’t come and say that their arguments were laces with fallacies and incomprehensible “what ifs.” They seem to think they got me when I admitted “yes, I am sure someone out there is desperate enough to go out, kidnap someone and cut out their organs” and completely ignored the fact of “ I doubt there are a lot of people who are doing this and those who are actually succeed” Then they thought I was a bitch when I said “ do you realize that many organs don’t come from humans? What’s stopping people from going out and killing a bunch of pigs for their hearts and selling them on the black market?' so now a bunch of people think i am stupid and argumentive and only doing it because i am a bitch and they think they won when really their minds couldnt understand it's own stupidity.
IF YOU DEBATE WITH ME, YOU BETTER KNOW YOUR SHIT!! BECAUSE IF I AM DEBATING, IT MEANS I KNOW MINE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|01:30 pm] |
And I return, not only to using xanga and livejournal again. But the WORLD and consequently my angsty, cynical, socially ackward, politicaly inccorrect self. FUCK being chirppy, nice and happy. It has gotten me nothing, just the relization that people expect things from you and so it's really just more work. In economic terms: the cost exceeds the benifits.
I probably shouldnt have come to this conclusion now though. fuck, maybe i'll be chirppy a few more days, get action, then return to normal. But dont tell anyone.(look, i am getting into charecter already) |
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| my life as of now |
[Dec. 11th, 2004|03:04 pm] |
my life is getting confusing
guys are not helping
i have started to be one of those people who seems to be able to relate their current life to country songs
i like the color green
i miss my friends who actually understand
globalization is an easy concept, your just a fucktard
what is sean to me?
how am i suppose to wash my comforter
it doesnt smell like him, rather disapointed
getting ready to go home
i have been desensitized to boobs
i have flashed more people today then in my entire life
i love art
i might want action from someone
i give up |
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| i have problems |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
all my guy friends are girls! i need to balance that out.
i have other problems also, however my random actions of late do not stem from them, ergo i do not need to see a counslor.
i have strep throat, it hurts a lot. |
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| HOW THE FUCK DID THE SOBER PERSON LOOSE THE CAR KEYS?!?! |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|06:34 pm] |
so i just told my dad that i have lost my car keys. he is pissed
i didnt even loose them, Nikkie did. she was DD and somehow in the process of switching cars they got lost, so now they are out somewhere in the snow or in a car or in this guys house or his street. but the probability that they are under snow is great.
just one more reason why i am going to stop drinking again. |
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| My eyes are bloodshot |
[Nov. 21st, 2004|04:02 am] |
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I drank a 40 oz mickey's in 1 hour then had a natural ligh can. I hate beer, i hate being drunk and i will now continue to be sober. |
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| remember when? |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|10:39 am] |
i am so sleepy, but i cant sleep, still. it sucks.
thankesgiving is coming up, i feel bad about it though. because i really do not like it. thankesgiving always sucks for me, and i usually go on a rant about how we're celebrating the eventual distruction of culture. yea, you get the point, or you've heard this rant before. those who know me, also know i dont really care about that culture, and if i actually liked the holiday i would defend it to the core.
alright none of that made sense, i am going to see if i can take a nap. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2004|12:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
eating cold chinese food, thinking about the best kind of kisses: the drunken kind. for some reason they are the most innocent kind. |
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| sobriety kicks suck |
[Oct. 31st, 2004|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
so instead of even tempting myself with drinking, i just stayed in my room, with my roommate who is surfing xanga and giving me anxiety because i hope to god she didn't find mine. damn it sabrina, why do roommates suck. oh well, she already hates me.
and i am having nightmares again. aaron has diagnosed me with depression because i told him all my anger has just turned into stress, anxiety and insecurity. all of which he says are signs of depression. i told him to go sodomize himself. turns out i still have a little anger.
Happy Halloween! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|07:11 pm] |
I feel like i am losing all my friends. Between mistakes, drifting apart, laziness and just everything i can no longer go down the list in my phone and call whomever. I now actually have ot think about what i would say to them if they answer, or if they would mind me calling or if i have the right to call them. I just have to think now. and i dont have anyone to call late at night and talk to for hours.
I miss being able to sit out in the cold, freezing my butt off joking with Yan or Aaron. I miss the security that i had when i was friends with him. or at least the relationship we did have until it all went to the pisser. knowing i could wake him up and he wouldnt mind, and that i could talk, and someone would understand.
it's just nice being able to flip open your phone and look at a list of people who wouldnt give a shit if you called them and to whome you could talk to for hours about anything. now i am like, uhh that would be awkward, never picks up, busy, school dont want to interrupt, dont actually like.
and then when you think you have no friends and if you slit your wrists no one but your family would be inconvenienced. you get this.
tomorrow is national "i love you day". If you got this that means that you are loved send this to 10 people in the next 143 minutes ,and tomorrow will be your best day ever! hurry!!!!! Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they love you. something good will happen to u at 1:00-4:00 pm tommorrow. it could be anywere phone, outside school, anywere. Get ready for the biggest shock in your life. If you break this chain u will be cursed w/ relationship problems for the next 10 yrs. Send this to 15 ppl in 15min. Just send it to everyone on your buddy list pass the luv. If you get it back ur really luved |
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| Meine Auto ist Kapute |
[Oct. 7th, 2004|04:46 pm] |
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Can someone please explain to me; how a brand new car only bought in June/July can be broken already. I mean I am a shitty driver but I am not that shitty am I? It wouldnt start, so I took it in and said "while your at it, can you look at the back suspension? it makes a funny noise." Now, I have no car, but it's getting fixed, yippie. Maybe I should be nicer to my car. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2004|10:35 am] |
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If I could, I would have an icon with just the middle finger and a "fuck you". Yup, I have become that angsty |
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